I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
That was before I lit my hair on fire
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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