I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
