WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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