I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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