I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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