he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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