At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
