Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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