Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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