There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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