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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
