If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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