That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
