i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
