I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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