she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
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