i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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