i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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