Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
