I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
