Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
