Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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