I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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