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I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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