Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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