Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
it was like eating out sand paper
my shit smells like andre
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
