Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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