Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Randomize