party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
