Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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