I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
