Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
