U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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