I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
