maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
this just has baby written all over it
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
