My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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