Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
