Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
