Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
