we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
