It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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