I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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