Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
