Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Is Oprah even human
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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