i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
