Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
