He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
