Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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