she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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