I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
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