We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
