she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Randomize
