yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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