mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
