please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize