is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
