Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
sex in a hospital.. check
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize