i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize