My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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