Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Who wears a wallet chain?!
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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