I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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