So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Randomize
