How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
