I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Randomize
