its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
