Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
