all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
