her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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