I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
