never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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