I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
