Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I can't put those talents on a resume
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
